Cardboard Testimony of Thanksgiving

Today, our family was blessed to be a part of a Cardboard Testimony project at our home church. We were asked to think of something in our life that has been a challenge, and then write on the back of the cardboard how God has redeemed the situation. So, today, I ask each of you:
WHAT WOULD YOUR SIGN SAY?

This project really touched our hearts, as Andy and I thought about and prayed about how to share our testimony of God's love and faithfulness in just one sentence. I realized that we could have covered a box the size of our van with difficult circumstances (i.e. infertility, having multiples, deployments, loss of a child, giving our baby CPR and hearing he wasn't expected to live, moving around the country, being away from family, and the list goes on). However, we both knew that God calls us to share about our sweet Brady, and his impact on our lives and faith in his short 13 days here on Earth. Here are the photos of what we decided was the most powerful words to show our testimony. (Photography credit to our oldest son)

We didn't just share that Brady died, but that we took him off of life support. Why? To make it sound more dramatic? No, but to portray the reality of our situation. We HAD a choice, and chose to end Brady's suffering on that day. It was not a decision that was made easily, or quickly, and we leaned on and prayed to God in ways we hadn't before then. We were also more close to Him than ever before because we were open to it, and He allowed our hearts to be connected with Him. That is how we knew that it was right for Brady. God showed us through dreams, scriptures, friends, songs, and family support, that we weren't giving up on, but were letting go of Brady. We had come to the conclusion that keeping him alive any longer was because of selfishness on our part, and we felt at peace on that day saying good-bye. Now, I have said it before, and I will say it again. Just because we had peace, doesn't mean it was easy. It was the hardest thing we have ever done in our lives, and it shattered our hearts into a million pieces to watch our sweet baby boy die while Andy held him. BUT, we can't share this story without sharing the hope, peace, and love we had that day surrounding us because of Jesus Christ. He turned our pain into something wonderful, a joy that surpasses the understanding of this world. We knew then that Brady was meant to die, and that God had answered our many prayers by helping him stay alive long enough to save his brother and sister (they were triplets). He lived in my womb despite an awful environment (little to no fluid, a bad umbilical cord, and thus minimal nutrients). He survived so that our now 6 year olds could be the healthy, happy, wonderful children they are today.

Maybe this makes sense to you, and maybe it doesn't. I know that there were lots of questions by the kids when I showed them my cardboard sign last night, and explained what they would see in church today. There were tears shed, and hard questions to answer, like, "If you knew he would die when you took him off life support, then why did you do it?" You see, they too have been on ventilators in their lives, and it's hard to explain why we chose to take Brady off, and leave them on (Our youngest was in the PICU and on a ventilator for 5 weeks, and our older children remember this). We explained how Brady was getting worse, and his body was not working like it should, whereas they were healing and getting better while they were on "life support." But, we didn't try to justify it all. We just let them think through it, and pray that they see God's hand in it the same as we do one day. Our testimony isn't perfect, because neither are we. We've had days of doubt too, so we acknowledge that. We are just thankful for these moments, and for our time together as a family, especially with Thanksgiving this week. We keep it all in perspective, and remember that God's plans are bigger and better than our own, and that this world is temporary. God calls us to be joyful and thankful in this life, so try to remember that in this upcoming holiday season.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."                                                                 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

We Should Be Divorced

Based on statistics, we should be divorced. We are a military family, have experienced the heart-wrenching death of a child and all that it entails, and we have multiples (twins; or 2 surviving triplets, depending on how you prefer to say it). However, instead, we are celebrating 15 years of marriage today!! While that isn’t as many as a lot of people we know, it’s a pretty big deal to us, considering the roller coaster life we have experienced, and the fact that divorce is so prevalent today.

This is not a “we know it all and are perfect, so you should copy us” post; nor is it a lecture on who should or shouldn’t divorce. It’s more of a love letter, and a time of reflection, that Andy was willing to help me with. We have moved 6 times, survived (and thrived) through 6 deployments, had 5 children, and have spent several anniversaries apart. In the midst of the busyness of our lives, we don’t always make time for reflecting on HOW we are doing as a couple (let's be honest, if we have free time, we sleep)! But, these past few months have helped us to appreciate our life we have built together more than ever.

God put it on my heart to reflect on the art of marriage after some in depth conversations I was able to have with family and friends this summer. We talked about real people, those who have Christ in their lives, and those who don’t, who are struggling within their marriages. Some are seeking help, some have called it quits, and others are just going through the motions. It broke my heart, and I reached out to Andy for his input as to “why” our marriage seems to have such a solid foundation. I am not saying we are perfect, but none of us are, and that’s part of what helps us stay connected-God’s grace shared with and through one another. I planned to type about some of my reasons I felt we were still married, despite the odds, but then I received this from my amazing husband. It’s probably not politically correct, but its’ written with love, and, he agreed to allow me to share it. J

Here is a little of what Andy had to say about us:

What makes our marriage work?  That's a great question.  I think there are a few reasons.  I will try to capture those and explain my logic behind them.

1.    We both grew up with both parents still in the picture.  Nowadays, that's something that doesn't happen all that often.  Our parents showed us that through thick and thin, you have to stay strong and stick with it.  I'm sure there were many struggles between our folks, but I bet getting a divorce never crossed their minds.  I think both sets of parents are no nonsense folks that don't accept giving up or let their kids give up. 

2.    Our faith holds us together.  We have made great strides since our college days.  We know that God is with us, and divorce is wrong.  How could we give up on a love that God provided?  We were put together in college for a reason and who are we to give up on that?  Have we had fights?  Of course we have, but through it all, we always go back to the blessings bestowed upon us.

3.    Our wonderful family.  God has blessed us with some pretty sweet kids.  We owe it to them to lead them through this treacherous life as a team.  Losing Brady was hard, but never did we drift apart which happens often in crisis.  We both handle things in different ways, but each of us supported the other's process.  Cathy put up with me not wanting to spend hours in the hospital and I tried to arrange for her to be able to live there while the kids were in there.  She could've easily resented me for not staying overnight much or wanting to leave after a couple hours because I wasn't comfortable in that setting. 

4.    Our personalities are very different.  I think that we complement each other's weak spots so well that we are a match that can't be separated.  I am disorganized, pessimistic, sometimes downright lazy.  She is upbeat and positive, very organized, and motivated.  She keeps me honest on many tasks.  I am the funny, sarcastic guy that makes her laugh, she is the focused one that keeps the kids and I on track.  I would feed them cheetos and soda and watch Netflix with them all day if she wasn't around.  She has a natural ability to guide our kids and always knows the right things to say to them. 

5.    It seems all of the things that lead to divorce, we've experienced them.  Loss of a child, large family, financial stress, moving (alot), me being deployed.  Many of the other things that lead to divorce are taken off the table for us.  Cheating isn't a factor because of our beliefs and devotion to each other makes that irrelevant.  Kid problems aren't an issue yet (and hopefully won't be) because our kids are great and sweet and we try to teach them kindness, faith, and love. 

6.    I think to sum it up, we just are lucky and blessed.  God provided us the foundation, and in our life experiences that led us to each other, we just got the tools to be successful.  Many folks say how much work a good relationship is, but honestly, it doesn't feel like work to me.  If you are distracted chasing things like possessions, money, jobs, other people, the perfect kids, house, cars, yard, image....you get the point.  If you're chasing those things, your marriage slips in between the cracks and, newsflash, you never catch all those things you are chasing.  When you finally realize you can't catch them, you turn around to get back into the marriage business and all the things that really matter are gone.  The kids are grown, the spouse is distant or with someone else who gave them the time of day, and life as you knew it is over.  Then you revert back to the time before you were married, and let's face it, it's too late and pathetic to try to found what you already had.  I'm just so glad that we won't be going through any of that mess.  We are going to watch our kids grow up and get married while still demonstrating how a marriage works, just like our parents did.  Someday, we'll be by each other's side as one of us departs this life to await the glorious reunion in heaven. 

That's it, it's pretty simple.  God, love, devotion, family, priorities.  I am so blessed to be led to Cathy and so blessed with our children and the life we lead together.      

“22 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So, just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.  25 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church-a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor-since they’re already “one” in marriage.”

                                                                                          Ephesians 5:22-28 The Message

Children, Fear & God

Last week, I witnessed an amazing act of faith and trust in God by my 6 year olds. My son and his sister were told to walk into a room in our home, and the light was off, so neither of them wanted to do it.  (I don’t know if any of you parents deal with this issue, but I have had to interrupt many meals and important tasks to go to the bathroom with one of my kids, or help them reach the light in their bedroom before they will enter.)  So, my daughter starts self-talking, praying to God to help her “be brave” and my son runs into our dining room, grabs an index card off the middle of the table, and runs back to the doorway. Then he reads it aloud, “Give all your worries to Him, because He cares for you. 1Peter 5:7.” Then he musters up all his courage, chest held high, and goes into the room like a valiant knight and turns on the light for himself and his sister! 

Such a simple act, but this interchange is such a big deal to me for many reasons! First, I am a mother to 4 children in this home, and one in Heaven.  Also, my husband’s job takes him away sometimes, and I have extended times of solo parenting.  So, watching my children work together and solve a problem by themselves is awesome!  Another, and honestly, more important reason, is the fact that they chose to trust in God.  They asked Him for help in their time of need, both going about it in different ways, yet both grasping the concept that Jesus us ALWAYS with us, ready to help us through any situation, if we are open to it.  They had faith that God would protect them from any and all of their worst feared monsters (and you and I both know that children have very vivid imaginations, and as silly as they seem to us adults, these threats are real to them).  This moment renewed my heart and spirit, reminding me to keep persevering in this life as a Christian mommy.

This week, I encourage you to start (or keep giving) your children ways to reach out to God.  And, do it lots of different ways if you can so that each child’s personality and way of worship is represented.  My daughter has always had a more open relationship with God, talking to Him often and believing in Him without a doubt from the beginning.  My son, on the other hand, asks lots of questions and takes more time to process Bible stories. He is sometimes hesitant to reach out for help from a God that he cannot see.  Even though he didn’t know the Bible verse by heart, he knew where he could find it.  I know that scripture memorization is difficult for me, which is why I have hundreds of bookmarks in my Bible app tagged with words to help me find it more easily.  The Bible can be overwhelming to some, so start with a verse a week, or one a day, and talk it over. 

Get a children’s devotional guide and read it-we often do ours on the way to school, and then pray before I drop them all off. 

Write Bible verses on index cards and leave them places the kids see them (i.e. on the dining room table, on their bathroom mirror, on their bedroom door, on the refrigerator).  We read the verse of the week at dinner, and so having it right there is easiest for me.

Pray aloud with them AND for them.  Talking to someone you can’t see is hard.  They are still learning to understand concepts like mortality and third person perspectives, so they need a role model to help them know and understand that NOTHING is wrong when praying to God.  Encourage children to just pray from their hearts, and be patient with it. God knows our hearts, and can decipher it just fine without us fine tuning it for Him.  Teach children to pray not only for themselves and their family, but for others.  You can be specific about the person and what you are praying for (i.e. “We pray for Grandpa and healing of his cancer, Lord. For strength as he gets his special medicine that fights it, and for Gigi as she helps take care of him.”)

And, lastly, enjoy these moments with your children. Pause and tell them how much you love them, and that Jesus loves them EVEN MORE!  Celebrate the times when you see their discipleship skills developing, and their personal relationship with God blossoming. Here are a few scriptures to remind us of the power of prayer, and of being good role models for our children.

James 1:5-8 (MSG) If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.

Ephesians 6:18 (NIV) And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for the Lord’s people.

Proverbs 22:6 (KJV) Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Sacrifice

This week started with Easter Sunday, a day in which we celebrate the SACRIFICE of Jesus dying on the cross so that our sins are forgiven, and so we can all be redeemed.  This day, and family life events this week, had our family discussing this word: sacrifice.  

When you hear this word, is your initial reaction negative or positive?  What are some of the first things you think of?  If you look up the word ‘sacrifice’, there are different definitions depending on where you look. First, there is “an act of slaughtering an animal or person, or surrendering a possession as an offering to God or to a divine or supernatural figure.”  Another one that is more common is “an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy.” (Both of these, and several more were provided by our favorite Google search).

As my husband and I described “sacrifice” to our children this week, I realized that we both look at the word in a positive way.  It’s not that we think sacrifices are easy, but we wanted to emphasize to our children that sometimes in this world, we are called to sacrifice something for the greater good of our society.  That’s hard for young kids to grasp, and they shouldn't. Their world view is from their perspective, and they are pretty important in their own little world!  Parenting is such a fine balance-you strive to give your children experiences to prepare them to live on their own in this world, but you also want to shield and protect them from some of what’s in it.

A perfect example is the story of Easter.  My kids know this story well, of course, because we don’t just talk about it every Spring! We try to live it everyday!  However, after doing our “Resurrection Eggs”, which tell the story of Easter, including Jesus being arrested, beaten, and hung on the cross to die a terrible death, our 6 year old daughter had a nightmare. She woke up the next morning scared and crying, saying that she dreamt that our whole family, even her baby brother, died on crosses.  As any good Mom does, I first felt a twinge of guilt that maybe we had overdone it, but alas, I paused, prayed, and asked God to help me out.  I replied, “I am so sorry you had such a bad dream. Aren’t you so happy that Jesus died on the cross for us, so that we don’t have to!”  She smiled and said yes, and we continued talking about the importance of Easter.  Our kids told ME how Jesus could have stopped the soldiers with just a word, or thought, or lightning bolt. They creatively shared tons of ways he could have stopped them, both giggling at some of the more eccentric ones.  And, there it was again-the peace of knowing Jesus and His story.  While I wanted to protect my kids from the awfulness of Jesus’ death, I can’t really explain the SACRIFICE of Easter without it.

I hope today, and everyday, that you turn to God for guidance with what to share with your children about this world, and how to live in it.  I also thank each of you for sacrifices you make for others, for our world to be a better place, and for our Saviour. Parenting is not easy, but He is ALWAYS with you, and waiting to guide you along. He is risen!!

“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33

Peace and Heaven: The Anniversary of Brady’s Death

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  John 14:27

Today marks 6 years now that we said good-bye to our son, Brady Thomas.  We miss having him here, but also have peace knowing that he is with his Father in Heaven, and that we will see him again.  For those who don’t know our story, the triplets were born 10 weeks early, and despite being around 2 pounds, they were all off their ventilators and doing well within the first hours of their lives.  However, Brady developed an infection in that first week, and his body was too fragile to handle it.  As Brady continued to deteriorate, we prayed more than ever, and never gave up hope.  We were surrounded by family, friends, and an amazing church community.  They gave us meals, took our 2 year old on playdates, and just let us know that we were in their thoughts and prayers.  They sustained us!  God gave us this group of people to care for us, and remind us of the hope and peace that comes with Him. 

As I prayed, one scripture that I had heard in a sermon that year kept coming to mind.  This is how God would “talk” to me.  I never heard his voice, but I could FEEL Him with me.  I listened in my quiet moments for His guidance, and He would remind me of a particular scripture, person, circumstance, bible study lesson, or song that would help me.  The scripture that I kept coming to me was from Matthew 26:38-44, and it was about Jesus praying in the garden of Gethsemane just before the troops came to arrest him.  He goes to God not once, but 3 times and prays for the cup to be taken from him. “Yet not as I will, but as you will.”  He knows what he is about to do, and knows how hard it is going to be, and asks God if there is any way that it can happen another way.  He is in distress and scared, but knows God is with him.  That is how I felt.  I KNEW.  I knew that I was going to have to say good-bye to Brady.  God had given me bits and pieces along the way, preparing my heart for that moment.  He kept giving me this verse to remind me that it was okay to ask not to have to do something so difficult, and that no matter what, He was with me.  Even as we drove to the hospital on March 19^th, I said out loud “PLEASE God, don’t make us do this. Please, if there is another way.” 

On that day, we had planned to have Brady baptized and then take him off of his ventilator, which was breathing for him.  We didn’t feel that he had to be baptized to go into Heaven, but a lot of our family was there, and we wanted a special moment to recognize Brady as part of our Christian community, and as a special child of God, and to have a memory of all of us surrounding him with love. At this point, we didn’t know if we would have a service, or what the future held because we had two other preemies fighting to live.  As the week had progressed, and Brady had gotten more and more sick, requiring more assistance breathing, I started thinking about Heaven in a way that I never had before.  Yes, I wondered about Heaven as most of us do, but when you are about to send your baby boy there, you start questioning it in more ways than you can imagine.  I felt God with us, and held onto the Hope we have through Jesus, but there was this little part of me that just wanted to know for sure that Heaven was real, and Brady was going to go there. 

Pastor Mark was supposed to be there a 9am, and he called to say that he was going to be late because he was with a family whose mother had just passed away.  We had about 10 family members there waiting, and while I was patient, I also was frustrated.  I was afraid that if we didn’t go ahead and unhook Brady from his ventilator, that I may not be able to go through with it.  As Pastor Mark arrived, Andy and I met him at the hand washing station.  He told us about the conversation he had that morning with the family he had been with.  I knew them well, as they were part of our congregation and I had served on some projects and committees with the adult son of the woman who passed away. Pastor Mark shared that they told him about how his mother had been in and out of consciousness for a couple of days.  Once, when her son was by her bedside, holding her hand, she woke up and started talking to him very clearly.  She shared that her deceased husband had been there in the room with them several times in the last few days.  When he asked why she hadn’t said anything, she told him that she didn’t want them to think she was crazy.  Then, she said that she had seen it-she had been to Heaven and seen it.  Of course, her son was very intrigued at this, and said, “Well, Mom, tell me about it!” and she replied, “It’s indescribable.”  And there was my God, reaching out and holding me.  He knew the most secret little doubt that I held in my heart and hadn’t shared with anyone, and He gave me the strength and peace through those two words to go and allow our baby to die. 

And so we did.  We had a beautiful moment with family surrounding Brady’s isolette, while Pastor Mark prayed over and baptized him.  Then, the family all went to the waiting room, and the doctors took him off his ventilator.  Andy had not yet even held him, so they breathed for Brady with a bag so that we could go down the hallway into a private room to say goodbye.  It was important for me that he not suffer, so the doctor was amazing and made sure he had pain medication as he died.  He died very peacefully minutes after they stopped keeping him alive.  Andy was holding him.  There were no monitors, so we just sat and cuddled him and cried.  We asked God to be with us, and He was.  We knew it.  That didn’t mean that it wasn’t the hardest moment of our lives.  It just meant that we were able to keep Brady’s death in perspective of God’s bigger purpose and plan, and we were able to deal with it.  Our 2 year old came in, along with other family members if they chose to, and got to hold Brady.  We even took photos that I don’t share, but that I have for our own personal mementos. 

Today, I hope that when you think of Brady, you are reminded of God’s love for each of us, and the peace that comes with surrendering to Him.  We know that God kept Brady alive long enough for the other two triplets to not only survive, but be the happy, healthy children they are today.  We have peace that God’s plan was better than our own, and that He redeems our suffering through Jesus dying on the cross. We know that our family will remember Brady, and celebrate his life, especially on this day.  We will light his candle, watch his memorial service video, and pray for all people who are suffering today.  Praise be to God!!

This captures the one time I was able to hold Brady in his short 13 days on Earth.

Acceptance

I have been praying for lots of friends and family lately who are battling medical conditions, especially cancer.  I also read an amazing blog last night from a mother of four, who was sharing her journey of acceptance of her body post-babies, including a set of twins.  And, then today, I was reminded of an article I read last year about the ridiculous cropping that advertisers do, which makes the models look perfect.  So, I am sharing this story in hopes that today, each of you accepts the circumstances of your body on this day.  May it help to remind you that you were created wonderfully and uniquely by our loving God, who knows and loves you just as you are.  Here is a way God reminded me to lean on Him when I was struggling:

In 2012, we found out I was pregnant with our youngest, our first “natural” pregnancy. We were elated (after the shock wore off).  I was on modified bedrest the entire time, and then got admitted to the hospital at 26 weeks pregnant and stayed in the hospital for 4 weeks until he was born.  That month was a delicate balance of the pros and cons of having our baby still growing inside of me, or being born very prematurely.  I was put on the dreaded magnesium sulfate medicine at least 3 times to stop the labor process because baby boy was not showing any signs of distress at those times.  For those that don’t know, this medicine slows contractions, but it also slows down every bodily function.  My limbs felt like weights, my speech was slow and my brain and speech were not even close to being at the same speed! Oh, and as one nurse warned me, you feel like you are on fire from the inside out.  Not my idea of fun at all, but I had resigned myself to the fact that whatever it took to keep him alive, that I would endure it.  I only left my room one time in those 4 weeks, and I wasn’t even allowed out of bed when I was on the magnesium sulfate.  I was so mad at my body for not being to able to grow babies, or even let me be at home with our other 3 children, who were ages 5, 3 and 3 at the time.  I was frustrated that I wasn't that Mom, who was still doing everything for their older kids, even though she had the big basketball belly.  I complained alot to God during these 4 weeks.  I mean, I had no one else to talk to, and nothing else to do (most of the time)!  On one particular day, when I was slipping into self-pity, God gave me this message, found in my Jesus Calling devotional, by Sarah Young, which a friend had just given me on my birthday the month before.

September 8^th:  Accept each day exactly as it comes to you.  By that, I mean not only the circumstances of your day but also the condition of your body.  Your assignment is to trust Me absolutely, resting in My sovereignty and faithfulness.  On some days, your circumstances and your physical condition feel out of balance: The demands on you seem far greater than your strength.  Days like that present a choice between two alternatives-giving up or relying on Me.  Even if you choose the first alternative, I will not reject you.  You can turn to Me at any point, and I will help you crawl out of the mire of discouragement.  I will infuse My strength into you moment by moment, giving you all that you need for this day.  Trust Me, by relying on My empowering Presence. 

Psalm 42:5; 2 Corinthians 13:4; Jeremiah 31:25

Make Today about Him

Galatians 6:2 (NASB) “Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.”

This week, I was blessed beyond measure to be able to speak at the MOPS meeting that I go to each month as a member.  I can't express enough the gratitude I feel for being able to share our story of hope in the month of March, which is a month that I usually dread somewhat.  While the birthdays we get to celebrate this week are a highlight, I usually spend the 13 days after March 6th feeling an array of emotions, allowing myself to remember and honor those days with Brady 6 years ago.  I usually shed lots of tears, both of joy and from sorrow, and we celebrate his life many ways.  This year, I want to blog more in hopes that our story reaches someone who needs to hear it.  So, here is my first installment for March!  It's a slightly altered introduction from my speech, and the "short version" of what the last few years have been like for our family.

Our Story

Andy and I were married in 2000, and had a lot of difficulty getting pregnant and turned to IVF.  We had our first son, and then 2 years later, we did another round of IVF and had triplets.  I had what they call a “sub-chorionic hemorrhage” during both pregnancies, so I had limited activity and lots of monitoring.  Our first baby was born full-term, but the triplets came at 30 weeks.  They all weighed around 2 lbs. and despite being so small, were all off of their ventilators hours after being born.  However, within a week, Brady developed an infection, began having kidney problems, and couldn’t recover.  After many, many prayers and sleepless nights, Andy and I chose to take Brady off of his ventilator and allow him to be with Jesus in Heaven.  Brady was 13 days old when he died.

As our children grew, many people would ask if we were done having children.  We always responded that we didn’t know.  I did not have a desire to have any more children for many reasons-the difficult pregnancies, the lack of sleep, and barely keeping up with the 3 toddlers that we already had are just a few of them!  The doctors had told us that having a baby “on our own” was pretty much impossible.  So, when I discovered that I was pregnant in 2012, I was beyond shocked.  The complications started right away, and it was my most difficult pregnancy of all of them.  I was on partial bed rest at home for as long as we could manage it, with many trips to the ER and doctor because of possible miscarriage.

In August, at only 26 weeks into my pregnancy, I went to the hospital because we thought I may be having a placental abruption, and our doctor had told us time was critical if that were to happen.  When we got to the OB floor, we found out that Luke was not in distress, but had very low amniotic fluid.  So, for the next 4 weeks, I spent my time in a hospital bed, while Andy took care of our 5 year old and two 3 year olds at home.  On September 27^th, baby boy began showing signs of distress in-utero, so we had an emergency c-section (my third one-not a fan).  He weighed 3 lbs 5 oz and spent 6 weeks in the NICU, and even though he had some complications, he did well overall.

He came home in November, and was home for 5 weeks before he got sick from a common cold virus and had a cardiopulmonary episode.  Andy was in Texas for work, and by the grace of God, my Mom was with us.  I had to give him CPR until an ambulance arrived, and they were able to get him intubated and began breathing for him, at which point his heartrate came back to within normal range.

Today, our oldest is 8 years old and a second grader.  The triplet's birthdays are on Friday of this week, which is so special to me that I get to be here and share our story with you all in honor of Brady.  Our little survivors will be 6 years old, and are Kindergartners, and our youngest is a wild, typical 2 year old, who is spoiled rotten! So, that is the “short version” of what the last 10 years held for our family.  But, while these details are important, what is MOST important is HOW we got through these unimaginable times.  And I am here to tell you that it is ONLY because of God.  ONLY because of Jesus, and the blood he shed on that cross.  ONLY because of the Holy Spirit filling Andy and I with a peace that transcends understanding.  We didn’t just survive these trials, but became more whole because of them.  We have deeper relationships with each other, with God, and a hope and trust in the Almighty that I never knew before we lived through all of this.

So, today is about Him-God, and how he helped us through these moments, and how He can help you face mountains that you never thought you could.  It’s about hope, peace, trust, and faithfulness.  I hope to share these moments, so that even one of them may help you cope with something that you are hurting with today.  It’s my hope that you find the courage to also help others in their time of need, because, friends, we all have times when we need others to help carry our burdens.  That is what community is about, and what God calls us to do.

Faith as I Know It: Grace, Forgiveness and Peace

This week, my Aunt Judy passed away unexpectedly.  She had been estranged from a lot of her family for many years, for many different reasons.  I was in contact with her through Facebook, like many of us who live away from our families are nowadays.  And while we weren’t super close, I find myself thinking of her many times throughout each day this week, and feeling such sadness for her loss.  I know that “family drama” is a sensitive subject, but God has kept placing on my heart that I needed to share this with you.  I don’t know if it is you who needs to hear it today, or maybe it’s someone you know, and you can pass it on to them, but I know a few things for sure:

God forgives us, and we are to forgive as he does.  Forgive today, whether it is yourself or someone else.  Lift that burden from your heart and live in peace!  When my son, Brady, died, I had a lot of guilt for many reasons, real and imagined.  I had so many “should haves” and “what ifs” that I was struggling to hold on.  On the one year anniversary of his death, I prayed for God to forgive me for any part I may have had in his death and God answered my prayer with scripture.  “All the prophets testify about him that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name.” (Acts 10:43)  God gives us grace to mess up, make mistakes, hurt others, mistreat ourselves…and we are still loved and cherished by Him.   ALL is forgiven, and you are set free, if you ask it in His name! 

There is no one who is too far, or too broken, to meet our Maker face to face when they die.  We judge sin based on our human scale of what is right and wrong.  To God, sin is sin.  While we should be punished for wrongdoings, we are also entitled, through Jesus, to be forgiven, because God does that for us.  By sending Jesus to die on the cross for our sins, we are forgiven and saved-to be cherished and live eternity with God.  At our MOPS meeting last month, our guest speaker was Renee Napier.  Her daughter was killed by a drunk driver, and she forgave him, which allowed her to be set free from the bitterness and allowed the young man to come to know and love Jesus.  Together, they now speak to schools about the dangers of driving while intoxicated, and who knows how many lives they have saved!  THIS is the way in which we are to forgive one another.

The other thing I know for sure is that my Aunt Judy is finally at peace.  She had a difficult life, full of so much pain, and now she is set free of it all.  I do not know where she was at on her faith journey, and don't pretend to know all the answers, but God does tell us this:  with faith as small as a mustard seed, God’s hope and peace is ours for eternity!  It makes my heart happy to know that she has gotten to meet our son, Brady, and be with her parents again.  As I was being flooded with all of these thoughts, the song “Cry Out to Jesus” by Third Day came on the radio.  Their words ring so true: 

“To everyone who's lost someone they love long before it was their time. You feel like the days you had were not enough when you said goodbye.  And to all of the people with burdens and pains keeping you back from your life-You believe that there's nothing and there is no one who can make it right. There is hope for the helpless, Rest for the weary, Love for the broken heart. There is grace and forgiveness, Mercy and healing.  He'll meet you wherever you are.  Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus.”  Give yourself grace and forgive yourself of any guilt you are carrying.  We are human, and God understands our pain and redeems it all when we join Him in Heaven. 

Matthew 6:14 “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

Luke 17:6 “He replied, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.”

Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

Luke 6:37-38 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged.  Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.  Forgive, and you will be forgiven.  38 Give, and it will be given to you.  A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

1 Peter 3:8 “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.”

With Love, Cathy