WHAT WOULD YOUR SIGN SAY?
This project really touched our hearts, as Andy and I thought about and prayed about how to share our testimony of God's love and faithfulness in just one sentence. I realized that we could have covered a box the size of our van with difficult circumstances (i.e. infertility, having multiples, deployments, loss of a child, giving our baby CPR and hearing he wasn't expected to live, moving around the country, being away from family, and the list goes on). However, we both knew that God calls us to share about our sweet Brady, and his impact on our lives and faith in his short 13 days here on Earth. Here are the photos of what we decided was the most powerful words to show our testimony. (Photography credit to our oldest son)
We didn't just share that Brady died, but that we took him off of life support. Why? To make it sound more dramatic? No, but to portray the reality of our situation. We HAD a choice, and chose to end Brady's suffering on that day. It was not a decision that was made easily, or quickly, and we leaned on and prayed to God in ways we hadn't before then. We were also more close to Him than ever before because we were open to it, and He allowed our hearts to be connected with Him. That is how we knew that it was right for Brady. God showed us through dreams, scriptures, friends, songs, and family support, that we weren't giving up on, but were letting go of Brady. We had come to the conclusion that keeping him alive any longer was because of selfishness on our part, and we felt at peace on that day saying good-bye. Now, I have said it before, and I will say it again. Just because we had peace, doesn't mean it was easy. It was the hardest thing we have ever done in our lives, and it shattered our hearts into a million pieces to watch our sweet baby boy die while Andy held him. BUT, we can't share this story without sharing the hope, peace, and love we had that day surrounding us because of Jesus Christ. He turned our pain into something wonderful, a joy that surpasses the understanding of this world. We knew then that Brady was meant to die, and that God had answered our many prayers by helping him stay alive long enough to save his brother and sister (they were triplets). He lived in my womb despite an awful environment (little to no fluid, a bad umbilical cord, and thus minimal nutrients). He survived so that our now 6 year olds could be the healthy, happy, wonderful children they are today.
Maybe this makes sense to you, and maybe it doesn't. I know that there were lots of questions by the kids when I showed them my cardboard sign last night, and explained what they would see in church today. There were tears shed, and hard questions to answer, like, "If you knew he would die when you took him off life support, then why did you do it?" You see, they too have been on ventilators in their lives, and it's hard to explain why we chose to take Brady off, and leave them on (Our youngest was in the PICU and on a ventilator for 5 weeks, and our older children remember this). We explained how Brady was getting worse, and his body was not working like it should, whereas they were healing and getting better while they were on "life support." But, we didn't try to justify it all. We just let them think through it, and pray that they see God's hand in it the same as we do one day. Our testimony isn't perfect, because neither are we. We've had days of doubt too, so we acknowledge that. We are just thankful for these moments, and for our time together as a family, especially with Thanksgiving this week. We keep it all in perspective, and remember that God's plans are bigger and better than our own, and that this world is temporary. God calls us to be joyful and thankful in this life, so try to remember that in this upcoming holiday season.
"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
