Women with Anchors or Roots: Weathering the Land & Sea

     But blessed are those who trust in the LORD and have made the LORD their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.  Jeremiah 17:7-8

We are women. We are emotional. I know that I am hormonal. I remember so many times when I looked at my spouse and said “you better watch yourself! It’s that time of month…” It’s true! And when he would lack understanding and patience, I would say “Listen, I don’t know WHY God made us this way, but he did. So sorry. Just be thankful you aren’t the one that deals with this every month, OR better yet, push out a baby!” 

Sometimes there are tears for no reason, and sometimes there are tears for too many reasons and we just feel overwhelmed. But ladies, there’s good news. Always! God is with us, and hears us, and created us to be these unique emotional, nurturing, protective, dependent and independent women. If you are in the season of life as a new mama-hang in there! It is one of the most challenging b/c there is so much required of us from these small humans. If you are a young woman trying to figure out what you are supposed to be doing in this life, and where you fit in on this giant place we call Earth, he’s got your back. If you are a woman saying goodbye to parents or a spouse, let God be your anchor.

Pricscilla Shirer in The Armor of God puts it like this (pgs 108-109): “If our emotional state is directed by the shifting circumstances of earth, we will constantly be in a state of turmoil and confusion. Up one day and down the next. We need an anchor in our soul that keeps us stable and sound or we’re shot. We’re done. We’re dead women walking. Peace is the answer. God is the answer. The only answer. But praise God, an available answer. An everpresent answer. An everlasting answer. 

So, rest assured that God can handle your ups and downs. In fact, He can handle them better than your husband, better than your mom, and even better than your BFF. So, I challenge you to pause and talk to God as you go through the ups and downs of each day, and of life’s seasons. 

Go to God first, and you will find the anchor you need to weather life’s storms. And He will meet you where you are, no matter what. So don’t be afraid or think you need to know more before you can rely on this God you can’t see. He tells us in Romans 12:12 to “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” And I pray that each of you continue to grow your roots in God deeper through this season of life, and to find peace that will hold strong as storms and turmoil come your way.

Brady's Gift

Today marks the 7 year anniversary of Brady's death. He was 13 days old and his kidneys were failing. We had spent days praying for pee, and there were moments of hope and celebration when they would weigh his tiny diaper (smaller than most cell phones) and it would be a bit heavier than normal. However, the days just before March 19th, we had come to the realization that Brady may have a very difficult life, even if he did survive, because of all of his medical conditions. The doctors advised us to think about removing support, and we knew that it was in Brady's best interest to allow him to die and go to Heaven. He was showing signs of distress despite medications trying to help manage his pain. So, we were surrounded by friends and family as Pastor Mark baptized Brady, and then the doctors and nurses removed him from his ventilator and Andy held him as he passed from this Earth into eternity with our Lord.

On our plane ride to Colorado this week, I sat across the aisle from a sweet woman named Nicole. She was traveling with her husband and 5 year old. As you can imagine, our crew of 4 kids (all in green since it was St Patty's Day) drew quite a lot of attention at the airport. And as a sidenote, the kids loved the experience and all fell asleep after playing quietly on the plane.  Nicole asked me the ages of the kids, and as I told her that J and D were 7, she asked (like most do) if they were twins. I paused, and then explained that they were surviving triplets and that D had an identical twin brother, who died in the NICU. She and I were then drawn to caring for our own crew, and about 5 minutes later, I turned back towards the aisle and she asked if she could ask me a question.

She explained that I was the 2nd person this week to tell her about the loss of a child. She wanted to know what the best responses were for such occasions; what women who have lost a child want to hear. Of course, those of you who know me, know that I was excited to share our story about God's faithfulness through the triplet's birth and through Brady's death. And while I know each story of loss is unique (I mean, how can anyone's experience be exactly the same when all of us are created unique and have different life experiences?), her question prompted me to really think about what most women do want  to hear when they are brave enough to tell another person about the death of their child. So, in honor and memory of our sweet Brady, and of all babies born and unborn who are already in Heaven, I thought I would share my thoughts about what women want to hear. I know for me, I spent many years NOT talking about Brady in most social situations (i.e. at the grocery store, at a cookout, etc) because it made people feel uncomfortable. And, even now, I do not bring him up all of the time, but I do share our story often because it's such a wonderful example of how you can receive God's peace when you choose to accept His unfailing love and allow Him to guide you through such heart-wrenching moments as saying good-bye to your 13 day old son.

So, when a parent shares that they have lost a child, some questions or responses that I appreciate hearing are:

1. I am sorry (this is the #1 response and such empathy is appreciated)

2. Ask more details about the child.
              What's his name?
              Would you mind sharing more about his story?
              When is his birthday? The anniversary of his death?
              Tell me what you remember most about him.

3. Ask if you can pray for them (if you are comfortable doing so). The prayers of so many really lifted our spirits, and do still on days such as the anniversary of his death.

If the person shares the fact that their child has died, then they are in a good place in their grief, so please try hard to not make it uncomfortable. Death for all of us is inevitable, and even though death at such a young age breaks our hearts, we can be role models for our children and others when we share our stories and our grief. We talk about Brady all the time, and it makes my heart so happy when I hear others tell me about how Brady came up in their conversation recently. While the story of Brady's short life is something that will fade with each generation, the love and hope of Jesus is forever and for all. It's an honor for me to share both of them with you.

Satan's Lies vs God's Grace

“To embrace the lies of Satan is to elevate your sin above the grace of God.” ( Angela Thomas in Stronger)

As I read these words for my Bible Study, I underlined, highlighted, and starred them 5 times. It led to a deep, therapeutic discussion with Andy about Brady’s death and how we each felt at the time, and feel about it now.  Why did a sentence about Satan and sin lead to that? Because Satan does not need to find new ways to tempt us to doubt ourselves, our choices, or feel unloved. He knows our weaknesses, and preys on them. As I share our story about God’s grace, love and mercy through the death of our son to friends like you, Satan tries to put doubt in my heart, so that he can steal my peace. Guilt for not going into the doctor sooner when I felt like something was wrong with the babies; guilt for not being a stronger advocate when I had questions about his care, doubt that we should have taken him off the ventilator on the day we chose to do so…maybe if we had waited just ONE more day…

But, I am here to testify that God’s love is bigger, stronger, and deeper than Satan’s lies. God’s love and grace is all-encompassing. There is NO sin that is above the grace of God! He will forgive anything, and everything, so quit thinking your sin is too big, your self-worth is too low, or you aren’t good enough. God, through Jesus’ death on the cross, promises us that our sins are washed away. So, when I hear Satan trying to lead me to anxiety, doubt, and regret; I pray and God surrounds me again with His peace and love. You see, even IF I could have done something differently for Brady to be alive today; God has forgiven me, and, thus, I have forgiven myself. Please do not let the burdens of this life weigh you down friends. God’s peace and love are right there for the taking! What are you waiting for?

“The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you.” Romans 16:20

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

“Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.” Psalm 66:19