Peace and Heaven: The Anniversary of Brady’s Death

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  John 14:27

Today marks 6 years now that we said good-bye to our son, Brady Thomas.  We miss having him here, but also have peace knowing that he is with his Father in Heaven, and that we will see him again.  For those who don’t know our story, the triplets were born 10 weeks early, and despite being around 2 pounds, they were all off their ventilators and doing well within the first hours of their lives.  However, Brady developed an infection in that first week, and his body was too fragile to handle it.  As Brady continued to deteriorate, we prayed more than ever, and never gave up hope.  We were surrounded by family, friends, and an amazing church community.  They gave us meals, took our 2 year old on playdates, and just let us know that we were in their thoughts and prayers.  They sustained us!  God gave us this group of people to care for us, and remind us of the hope and peace that comes with Him. 

As I prayed, one scripture that I had heard in a sermon that year kept coming to mind.  This is how God would “talk” to me.  I never heard his voice, but I could FEEL Him with me.  I listened in my quiet moments for His guidance, and He would remind me of a particular scripture, person, circumstance, bible study lesson, or song that would help me.  The scripture that I kept coming to me was from Matthew 26:38-44, and it was about Jesus praying in the garden of Gethsemane just before the troops came to arrest him.  He goes to God not once, but 3 times and prays for the cup to be taken from him. “Yet not as I will, but as you will.”  He knows what he is about to do, and knows how hard it is going to be, and asks God if there is any way that it can happen another way.  He is in distress and scared, but knows God is with him.  That is how I felt.  I KNEW.  I knew that I was going to have to say good-bye to Brady.  God had given me bits and pieces along the way, preparing my heart for that moment.  He kept giving me this verse to remind me that it was okay to ask not to have to do something so difficult, and that no matter what, He was with me.  Even as we drove to the hospital on March 19^th, I said out loud “PLEASE God, don’t make us do this. Please, if there is another way.” 

On that day, we had planned to have Brady baptized and then take him off of his ventilator, which was breathing for him.  We didn’t feel that he had to be baptized to go into Heaven, but a lot of our family was there, and we wanted a special moment to recognize Brady as part of our Christian community, and as a special child of God, and to have a memory of all of us surrounding him with love. At this point, we didn’t know if we would have a service, or what the future held because we had two other preemies fighting to live.  As the week had progressed, and Brady had gotten more and more sick, requiring more assistance breathing, I started thinking about Heaven in a way that I never had before.  Yes, I wondered about Heaven as most of us do, but when you are about to send your baby boy there, you start questioning it in more ways than you can imagine.  I felt God with us, and held onto the Hope we have through Jesus, but there was this little part of me that just wanted to know for sure that Heaven was real, and Brady was going to go there. 

Pastor Mark was supposed to be there a 9am, and he called to say that he was going to be late because he was with a family whose mother had just passed away.  We had about 10 family members there waiting, and while I was patient, I also was frustrated.  I was afraid that if we didn’t go ahead and unhook Brady from his ventilator, that I may not be able to go through with it.  As Pastor Mark arrived, Andy and I met him at the hand washing station.  He told us about the conversation he had that morning with the family he had been with.  I knew them well, as they were part of our congregation and I had served on some projects and committees with the adult son of the woman who passed away. Pastor Mark shared that they told him about how his mother had been in and out of consciousness for a couple of days.  Once, when her son was by her bedside, holding her hand, she woke up and started talking to him very clearly.  She shared that her deceased husband had been there in the room with them several times in the last few days.  When he asked why she hadn’t said anything, she told him that she didn’t want them to think she was crazy.  Then, she said that she had seen it-she had been to Heaven and seen it.  Of course, her son was very intrigued at this, and said, “Well, Mom, tell me about it!” and she replied, “It’s indescribable.”  And there was my God, reaching out and holding me.  He knew the most secret little doubt that I held in my heart and hadn’t shared with anyone, and He gave me the strength and peace through those two words to go and allow our baby to die. 

And so we did.  We had a beautiful moment with family surrounding Brady’s isolette, while Pastor Mark prayed over and baptized him.  Then, the family all went to the waiting room, and the doctors took him off his ventilator.  Andy had not yet even held him, so they breathed for Brady with a bag so that we could go down the hallway into a private room to say goodbye.  It was important for me that he not suffer, so the doctor was amazing and made sure he had pain medication as he died.  He died very peacefully minutes after they stopped keeping him alive.  Andy was holding him.  There were no monitors, so we just sat and cuddled him and cried.  We asked God to be with us, and He was.  We knew it.  That didn’t mean that it wasn’t the hardest moment of our lives.  It just meant that we were able to keep Brady’s death in perspective of God’s bigger purpose and plan, and we were able to deal with it.  Our 2 year old came in, along with other family members if they chose to, and got to hold Brady.  We even took photos that I don’t share, but that I have for our own personal mementos. 

Today, I hope that when you think of Brady, you are reminded of God’s love for each of us, and the peace that comes with surrendering to Him.  We know that God kept Brady alive long enough for the other two triplets to not only survive, but be the happy, healthy children they are today.  We have peace that God’s plan was better than our own, and that He redeems our suffering through Jesus dying on the cross. We know that our family will remember Brady, and celebrate his life, especially on this day.  We will light his candle, watch his memorial service video, and pray for all people who are suffering today.  Praise be to God!!

This captures the one time I was able to hold Brady in his short 13 days on Earth.

Acceptance

I have been praying for lots of friends and family lately who are battling medical conditions, especially cancer.  I also read an amazing blog last night from a mother of four, who was sharing her journey of acceptance of her body post-babies, including a set of twins.  And, then today, I was reminded of an article I read last year about the ridiculous cropping that advertisers do, which makes the models look perfect.  So, I am sharing this story in hopes that today, each of you accepts the circumstances of your body on this day.  May it help to remind you that you were created wonderfully and uniquely by our loving God, who knows and loves you just as you are.  Here is a way God reminded me to lean on Him when I was struggling:

In 2012, we found out I was pregnant with our youngest, our first “natural” pregnancy. We were elated (after the shock wore off).  I was on modified bedrest the entire time, and then got admitted to the hospital at 26 weeks pregnant and stayed in the hospital for 4 weeks until he was born.  That month was a delicate balance of the pros and cons of having our baby still growing inside of me, or being born very prematurely.  I was put on the dreaded magnesium sulfate medicine at least 3 times to stop the labor process because baby boy was not showing any signs of distress at those times.  For those that don’t know, this medicine slows contractions, but it also slows down every bodily function.  My limbs felt like weights, my speech was slow and my brain and speech were not even close to being at the same speed! Oh, and as one nurse warned me, you feel like you are on fire from the inside out.  Not my idea of fun at all, but I had resigned myself to the fact that whatever it took to keep him alive, that I would endure it.  I only left my room one time in those 4 weeks, and I wasn’t even allowed out of bed when I was on the magnesium sulfate.  I was so mad at my body for not being to able to grow babies, or even let me be at home with our other 3 children, who were ages 5, 3 and 3 at the time.  I was frustrated that I wasn't that Mom, who was still doing everything for their older kids, even though she had the big basketball belly.  I complained alot to God during these 4 weeks.  I mean, I had no one else to talk to, and nothing else to do (most of the time)!  On one particular day, when I was slipping into self-pity, God gave me this message, found in my Jesus Calling devotional, by Sarah Young, which a friend had just given me on my birthday the month before.

September 8^th:  Accept each day exactly as it comes to you.  By that, I mean not only the circumstances of your day but also the condition of your body.  Your assignment is to trust Me absolutely, resting in My sovereignty and faithfulness.  On some days, your circumstances and your physical condition feel out of balance: The demands on you seem far greater than your strength.  Days like that present a choice between two alternatives-giving up or relying on Me.  Even if you choose the first alternative, I will not reject you.  You can turn to Me at any point, and I will help you crawl out of the mire of discouragement.  I will infuse My strength into you moment by moment, giving you all that you need for this day.  Trust Me, by relying on My empowering Presence. 

Psalm 42:5; 2 Corinthians 13:4; Jeremiah 31:25

Make Today about Him

Galatians 6:2 (NASB) “Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.”

This week, I was blessed beyond measure to be able to speak at the MOPS meeting that I go to each month as a member.  I can't express enough the gratitude I feel for being able to share our story of hope in the month of March, which is a month that I usually dread somewhat.  While the birthdays we get to celebrate this week are a highlight, I usually spend the 13 days after March 6th feeling an array of emotions, allowing myself to remember and honor those days with Brady 6 years ago.  I usually shed lots of tears, both of joy and from sorrow, and we celebrate his life many ways.  This year, I want to blog more in hopes that our story reaches someone who needs to hear it.  So, here is my first installment for March!  It's a slightly altered introduction from my speech, and the "short version" of what the last few years have been like for our family.

Our Story

Andy and I were married in 2000, and had a lot of difficulty getting pregnant and turned to IVF.  We had our first son, and then 2 years later, we did another round of IVF and had triplets.  I had what they call a “sub-chorionic hemorrhage” during both pregnancies, so I had limited activity and lots of monitoring.  Our first baby was born full-term, but the triplets came at 30 weeks.  They all weighed around 2 lbs. and despite being so small, were all off of their ventilators hours after being born.  However, within a week, Brady developed an infection, began having kidney problems, and couldn’t recover.  After many, many prayers and sleepless nights, Andy and I chose to take Brady off of his ventilator and allow him to be with Jesus in Heaven.  Brady was 13 days old when he died.

As our children grew, many people would ask if we were done having children.  We always responded that we didn’t know.  I did not have a desire to have any more children for many reasons-the difficult pregnancies, the lack of sleep, and barely keeping up with the 3 toddlers that we already had are just a few of them!  The doctors had told us that having a baby “on our own” was pretty much impossible.  So, when I discovered that I was pregnant in 2012, I was beyond shocked.  The complications started right away, and it was my most difficult pregnancy of all of them.  I was on partial bed rest at home for as long as we could manage it, with many trips to the ER and doctor because of possible miscarriage.

In August, at only 26 weeks into my pregnancy, I went to the hospital because we thought I may be having a placental abruption, and our doctor had told us time was critical if that were to happen.  When we got to the OB floor, we found out that Luke was not in distress, but had very low amniotic fluid.  So, for the next 4 weeks, I spent my time in a hospital bed, while Andy took care of our 5 year old and two 3 year olds at home.  On September 27^th, baby boy began showing signs of distress in-utero, so we had an emergency c-section (my third one-not a fan).  He weighed 3 lbs 5 oz and spent 6 weeks in the NICU, and even though he had some complications, he did well overall.

He came home in November, and was home for 5 weeks before he got sick from a common cold virus and had a cardiopulmonary episode.  Andy was in Texas for work, and by the grace of God, my Mom was with us.  I had to give him CPR until an ambulance arrived, and they were able to get him intubated and began breathing for him, at which point his heartrate came back to within normal range.

Today, our oldest is 8 years old and a second grader.  The triplet's birthdays are on Friday of this week, which is so special to me that I get to be here and share our story with you all in honor of Brady.  Our little survivors will be 6 years old, and are Kindergartners, and our youngest is a wild, typical 2 year old, who is spoiled rotten! So, that is the “short version” of what the last 10 years held for our family.  But, while these details are important, what is MOST important is HOW we got through these unimaginable times.  And I am here to tell you that it is ONLY because of God.  ONLY because of Jesus, and the blood he shed on that cross.  ONLY because of the Holy Spirit filling Andy and I with a peace that transcends understanding.  We didn’t just survive these trials, but became more whole because of them.  We have deeper relationships with each other, with God, and a hope and trust in the Almighty that I never knew before we lived through all of this.

So, today is about Him-God, and how he helped us through these moments, and how He can help you face mountains that you never thought you could.  It’s about hope, peace, trust, and faithfulness.  I hope to share these moments, so that even one of them may help you cope with something that you are hurting with today.  It’s my hope that you find the courage to also help others in their time of need, because, friends, we all have times when we need others to help carry our burdens.  That is what community is about, and what God calls us to do.